Fathers

I recently read Elder Christofferson’s talk from the Priesthood General Conference session on October 6.  I loved it.  Earlier this year I was asked to speak on Father’s Day in Sacrament Meeting and many of my thoughts and feelings were in alignment with those of Elder Christofferson. 

I love an article written by President Faust in which he talks about the important role of fathers and our role regarding fathers.  He says "in order to strengthen the father in the home, I make two simple suggestions: first, sustain and respect the father in his position; second, give him love, understanding, and some appreciation for his efforts.”

“There are some voices in our society who would demean some of the attributes of masculinity, and tear down the image of manhood.  This has serious social overtones because a primary problem in the insecurity of sons and daughters can be the diminution of the role of the father image.”

“Let every mother understand that if she does anything to diminish her children's father or the father's image in the eyes of the children, it may injure and do irreparable damage to the self-worth and personal security of the children themselves.  How infinitely more productive and satisfying it is for a woman to build up her husband rather than tear him down.”

It is popular in society to demean men.  It’s not only women who do it, but men who also put men down.  It seems clear that Satan working to destroy the family and the Priesthood. There are loud voices who blame and criticize men, especially white men, for all of societies woes.  I think you would also agree that there is an attitude in Hollywood that feels it appropriate and politically correct to make fun of men.  In some of the funniest and most popular sit-coms in the past couple of decades the husband and father is the idiot of all the jokes.  It troubles me when the father is perceived as dumb, selfish and incapable.  For some reason it is okay for not only his wife, mother and mother-in-law to make him the idiot but also for the children to make fun of him, be smarter than him and not need him.  

For some reason it makes me bristle when over our church pulpits I hear men, demean themselves with such comments as “you Relief Society women are so superior”, “you women make things so beautiful, we men are such klutzes,” “if it weren’t for the women of the church or for my wife”.....etc. etc.  For some reason it always feels very patronizing to me.  I’m not trying to be superior to men, and I don’t need men to put themselves down in order to make me feel better about myself. I think we have very different roles and yes women do some things better than men, and men do some things better than women.    Elder Christofferson says, “As men of the priesthood, we have an essential role to play in society, at home and in the Church.” So when this occurs in church it troubles me for two reasons.  First, I don’t think it’s true.  I do think that men and women see and do things differently.  But I have loved every Bishop I’ve ever had and have learned much from him and I have sat in Ward Councils and witnessed men and women working together and I don’t think that either gender is better than the other.  We are different and that’s okay.  The second reason it bothers me is that I feel like it gives my sons an excuse to be less of a man, husband and partner, it allows and maybe even requires them to let their wives carry more of the responsibilities or at least to make the important decisions.  Quite possibly it intimidates them into feeling that everything must be done the way the wife thinks it should be done.  I don’t think that’s correct.   Again from Elder Christofferson, “Some men and young men have taken the negative signals as an excuse to avoid responsibility and never really grow up”.  That is what worries me, if my boys hear from their Priesthood leaders that it is the women who make the Church and the world go around, what will they aspire to?  Will they feel needed?  Will they become strong, capable men?

In 1993 Barbara DeFoe Whitehead wrote an article for the Atlantic Monthly entitled “Dan Quayle was Right”.  I won’t take the time to review what that was about but the premise of the article was this - the lack of fathers in the home was leading to a breakdown and the eventual complete destruction of society.  

Michael Wilcox says something interesting about the commandment to honor parents  - of the promise he says “I think the promise has to do with the broader society and its ability to endure.  We have seen decline and decay in countless civilizations through self-destructive practices.  What brings staying power?  The family.  In the mutual respect and love of mother and father, parent and child.  When a child learns the fundamental lessons of human interdependence in the family, he or she will know how to transfer those lessons to a more extensive milieu.”

Again Elder Faust, “In terms of giving fathers love and understanding, it should be remembered that fathers also have times of insecurity and doubt.  Everyone knows fathers make mistakes - especially they themselves.  Fathers need all the help they can get; mostly they need love, support, and understanding from their own.”

I think we need to be careful to follow this essential counsel.  As I was preparing my talk I studied the Book of Mormon looking for examples of fathers.  Of course there are many, and I actually had time to share several of them but these two thoughts with their stories are probably my favorites.

What do fathers do?  Fathers teach, testify and facilitate a desire within their children to know God.
Upon hearing Lehi relate his dream of the tree of life, Nephi writes, "After I, Nephi, having heard all the words of my father, concerning the things which he saw in a vision..., was desirous also that I might see, and hear, and know of these things, by the power of the Holy Ghost, which is the gift of God unto all those who diligently seek him".  When the Spirit asked Nephi, "What desirest thou?" he replied, "I desire to behold the things which my father saw.  Lehi gave Nephi a desire to see and hear and know.

While hunting beasts in the forest, Enos tells us, "the words which I had often heard my father speak concerning eternal life, and the joy of the saints, sunk deep into my heart.  And my soul hungered; and I kneeled down before my Maker, and I cried unto him in mighty prayer.  Jacob gave Enos a desire to feel after God.  President Howard W. Hunter said, “Have your children see your joy and satisfaction in service to the Church. This can become contagious to them, so they, too, will want to serve in the Church and will love the kingdom”  I think that’s a wonderful thing that fathers can do.

Alma the Younger relates that in the most distressing time of his youth, "I remembered also to have heard my father prophecy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world.  Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart; O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me"  Alma received mercy and his life was changed forever.  Alma Sr. gave his son the means to find peace to his soul.

What do fathers do? Fathers preside, provide and protect.

I love in the Book of Mormon the story of a group of Lamanites who were taught the gospel and became so converted that they gave up the desire to ever go to battle again.  They even buried their weapons in the ground saying "let us stain our swords no more" (Alma 24:11-12).  However, after living under the protection of the Nephites, they saw the sacrifice that was being made in their behalf and they considered breaking the covenant they had made and once again lifting up their weapons.  Guided by priesthood leaders, however, they chose to remain true to their covenant.  Then willingly, although I'm sure with tender hearts, many tears, and great faith, they allowed to their own sons to go to battle for them.  By covenant these young men took up weapons in defense of freedom.  As they leave their fathers to go to battle a transition occurs, just like today when our sons turn 12 years old and Young Men leaders begin to have influence in their lives. Helaman was chosen to be the leader of these 2,000 young men.and we see through Helaman the importance of great Young Men leaders.  

He says, “And they were all young men, and they were exceedingly valiant for courage, and also for strength and activity; but behold, this was not all - they were men who were true at all times in whatsoever thing they were entrusted.  Yea, they were men of truth and soberness, for they had been taught to keep the commandments of God and to walk uprightly before him.” (Alma 53:20-21).  Just like we see happen today, young men under the guidance of YM leaders and with the love and direction of their fathers, become valiant, courageous, strong, active, true and sober.... they become men.  Helaman became a father to these young men, remember, it’s possible that many of them did not having living fathers.  Helaman tells Moroni, “never had I seen so great courage, nay not amongst all the Nephites.  For as I had ever called them my sons (for they were all of them very young) even so they said unto me: Father, behold our God is with us.”  (Alma 56: 45-6)  These young men loved their leader.  But to me, here is the important part of the story regarding fathers and it is always overlooked.  Their fathers did not leave the work to the church leaders or to the mothers.  Helaman says, “And now it came to pass in the second month of this year, there was brought unto us many provisions from the fathers of those my two thousand sons.” (Alma 56:27).  I cannot imagine that those fathers were too far behind the lines of battle watching over their sons.  I know that mothers get a lot of credit in this story and that’s okay but really it’s a great story for about how families work together.  Both parents have roles, equally vital.  And in this story we see how these fathers fulfilled their roles as outlined in the Family Proclamation.  They presided by making and keeping covenants, and teaching their sons to do the same, they provided for their families at home and away and they did all in their power to protect their families and their freedom.

From Elder Christofferson,  “The most important of the Lord’s work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own homes.”   We have much to do to strengthen marriage in societies that increasingly trivialize its importance and purpose. We have much to do to teach our children “to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord” (D&C 68:28). Our task is nothing less than to help our children experience the mighty change of heart or conversion to the Lord spoken of so eloquently in the Book of Mormon (see Mosiah 5:1–12; Alma 26). Together with the Relief Society, priesthood quorums can build up parents and marriages, and quorums can provide the blessings of the priesthood to single-parent families.

What great thoughts about the importance of fathers.  I’m grateful for mine and my children’s.

PS
I don't know what I did to get the white text background, sorry.