Book Review: The Last Lecture

The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch


My rating: 3 of 5 stars
Thoughts I enjoyed from this book:

There's a lot of talk these days about giving your children self-esteem. It's not something you can give; it's something they have to build.

Time must be explicitly managed like money.

You can always change your plan, but only if you have one.

Ask yourself: Are you spending your time on the right things?

Treat the disease, not the symptom.

Look for the best in everybody. If you wait long enough, people will surprise and impress you. Almost everybody has a good side. Just keep waiting. It will come out.

Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.

One of the things I admired about Mr. Pausch was his willingness to accept his diagnosis and face the fact that he was going to die, so bravely. Of course, initially he went through treatment and felt like he might be successful in surviving cancer; but when the disease was no longer treatable, he accepted it and quite literally moved on.

I feel somewhat mystified that in our society everyone seems to think you can "fight" cancer, or that if you have a positive mental attitude you can overcome a terminal diagnosis. When cancer patients don't survive, I wonder if near the end they feel like they didn't fight hard enough or weren't positive enough. I don't think we have that much control. I think that's why I appreciated his attitude of acceptance and taking care of the things the way he wanted to, and not flying all over the world seeking a miraculous cure.

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Matt

Matthew left last evening for his annual excursion to the Dominican Republic. Yes, I am nervous with the earthquake just occurring in Haiti; aftershocks can be just as big or bigger anywhere on the fault line. I don't know enough about the area to know if the fault goes through the DR, but it does make me nervous about another earthquake or a tsunami. There are not a lot of things that would keep Matt from taking this trip, he really loves to help the people there. I know he loves seeing patients relieved of pain and having dental health restored. He is also touched by the gratitude extended to him. Sometimes it's hard for me to understand why he would take a week off work - to do more work. But there is something in Matt that loves service. I'd like to say I would go to the DR if I could, but I'm embarrassed to say that I don't have the same desire right now. I'd like to say it's because my life is already so filled with service that when I take a week off, I deserve a vacation. But Matt's life IS filled with service - from the office to church to home and he still has the desire to help others. I remember as students, when we lived near large university hospitals, Matt would check the hospital roster for LDS families. Then he would visit them and see if there was anything he could do to help them. We made some really good friends this way.

Matt is a good influence on me. I hope his trip is successful and he returns home safely.

Book Review: These is My Words

These Is My Words by Nancy E. Turner


My rating: 3 of 5 stars
It seems that most of my girlfriends have read this book this year. Everyone gave it a thumbs up, so I felt compelled to read it. I was very surprised by the violence. Some time ago I read Dead Man's Walk and found the gruesome descriptions of the fighting between the calvary and the Comanchee Indians to be such that I only recommended it to my brothers. So I was taken back by the greater amount violence in this book - from Indian raids, to rape, murder, and infidelity, this book was not just about being a pioneer as I had imagined.

While I enjoyed the story, I wondered if parts of it could possibly be true. For instance, the sharp shooting ability of Sarah, from everything I've ever heard, the guns in that period were so poor that being a sharp shooter was nearly impossible. So when Sarah kills a rattlesnake that is climbing up the chair where her baby daughter is sitting....I wondered. I guess it's just a story and so I shouldn't worry about the details.

Here is what I did like - the relationship between Sarah and her husband Jack Elliot. To me, it was the perfect combination of love and independence for Sarah. While she often longed for him to be home taking care of her, in reality she was capable of handling almost every situation she encountered. I could picture myself in her shoes, wanting the attention and the romance and the help when needed, but not restricted to having her husbands do everything for her. I love that he was there, holding her for the times that she really needed him, but then was gone and believed in her ability to handle everyday life and even really hard situations. I love that he had been in love with her for a long time, even while she was married to Jimmy. I love that he was attentive to her personal desires and did what he could to help her satisfy those desires.

One thing I really related to was the journal keeping. In the beginning when she is a young girl, she keeps her journal very regularly. I love her sharing her inner desire to learn and her desire for more education. As life goes on, she becomes busier with the needs of a growing family, the responsibilities of managing an income and serving others. Her journal keeping becomes less regular, she begins to write weeks apart and then months and even years. But at the same time you know that she isn't writing simply because she is so busy and so tired. Even though she isn't writing it, you know that she stills love the beauty of sunsets, is concerned for others, and misses Jack.

I think it was the perfect ending. Hard, yes, but perfect for the story.

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Reading with my Children

For Relief Society this week I was asked to share some thoughts about reading with my children. In summary here are the 3 reasons I shared.

1. Reading together enhances and builds a relationship because it initiates conversation. From the time my kids were infants we've read books together and it always gives us something to talk about. I want my kids talking to me - it doesn't always matter what we talk about, I just want to establish open lines of communication. I remember after reading Walk Two Moons (Creech), one child said it was the saddest book he had ever read. We still have sayings that come from that book, that we say in our home. I'm glad we've talked about sad things - I hope that in the future when sad things come into his life, he'll be able to talk to me about them. Last summer, I read The Circuit (Jimenez), and then had all my family members that could, read it as well. However, I had one who child who refused to read it. When he returned to school in the fall, he found that he could earn extra points by reading this book, so he did and once he was finished I asked him about it. He said, "I don't discuss books". Ouch that hurt me. So I thought about it all day and decided that I really wanted this boy to talk to me and so I went to his room and picked up two of the books that he enjoys and read them. I found that he would talk about books - as long as we were talking about gadgets, scientific experiments, and flying children who conquered evil adults. I'm just glad to get him talking to me.

2. Books help me teach values, help us understand human nature and they make us more aware of the world. David O. McKay is said to have arisen in the early hours of the morning to read classic literature. He called those authors the "minor prophets". I think it is because these authors write about things that are true for all mankind. The feelings, emotions, problems, hardships and joys we experience in mortality are the same for humans everywhere. I love that Scott just finished reading East of Eden for the second time. I love that he comes to me and shares a paragraph and says, "Mom, this is so true". While I don't believe John Steinbeck has all the gospel truth, I do think that by reading this book, Scott has a better understanding of the story of Cain and Abel, and of human nature. In 4th grade Doug did a unit on the Japanese internment. I read every book on the topic that I could find to him. This week in the newspaper there was a picture of some elderly Japanese members of our community who were actually in an interment camp. The picture caught his eye and he read the whole article. Books make history and values personal and come alive.

3. Finally, I read to my children because I want them to hear how words are put together in a way that moves the heart. I want them to read good descriptions. I want them to learn from the experts. Great books can do all that.

Before December is Too Far Gone

I love the month of December. There are always so many exciting things happening. It doesn't lend itself to blog writing though and so I'm catching up today.

Both Thomas and Douglas advanced in scouting. Thomas is now a Bear and loves his cub scout den. The next step for Doug is Eagle, all he needs to do is wait the required time period and complete his Eagle service project. Our boys have been very blessed with Priesthood leaders who believe in the Scouting Program and have supported our den and troop. Our boys have also had great scout leaders like their dad and cousin Ganon.


This month we also attended many musical programs. Twenty-six years ago I was given the promise that my home would be filled with music. At the time, I only imagined a stereo playing beautiful music. That part has come true, but our home is also filled with live, loud, joyful, beautiful music and lots of it. Almost everyone plays the piano and several play a second instrument. The lid to the piano is almost always lifted so that the sound produced projects through the whole house. Matt sometimes looks at me with a twinkle in his eye and asks, "is this what you really wanted?" I have come to love this about my life and because I didn't really anticipate it, it surprises me and makes me stop and realize how much joy it brings to me, truly my cup runneth over. The highlight of the month for me was getting to play a special musical number with my boys at our Stake Christmas program. I played the organ using great registrations including the festival trompette stop, something I could never use in Sacrament Meeting, so so fun. Scott and Doug were on the piano together and a another girl played flute. I know the music was not difficult and we were not anything spectacular, but it was about so much more than the music for me. Working on something together with my boys, laughing together, playing LOUD and seeing who could play the loudest, honestly these are days and memories I will treasure my whole life. I look back and am so glad that Karin and I played flute duets together and I look forward to playing with Tom and Emi. I am so lucky to have a friend, named Julie who encouraged me to play the organ for the program and helped with all the registrations. And I'm so blessed with a sister, Ellen, who let me help her put the program together. I had so much fun working with the youth and she was "so close to fabulous" with them. I wish I had pictures to share, but that didn't happen. Here are a few other December happenings.





Music in our home is played by anyone, any age. Here is Bob's older brother, a mere 92. He has always loved music, always played music, always entertained others. When we lived in Seattle, he and his wife were so kind to take us on their yacht through the San Juan Islands, up into Canada through more islands to some places quite remote and all so, so beautiful. Always he traveled with a keyboard and in every harbor we visited, in the evening he would bring out his keyboard to the deck and play for everyone in the harbor. Of course, everyone loved it.

I love my piano. While I don't recommend going into debt to make large purchases for nonessential items, I do not regret this purchase. My husband is good to me and bought this beautiful piano and it's almost paid for. For me it wasn't about having expensive items to display in our home. We are still using hand-me down furniture and sleeping in the bed we bought at a used furniture store 22 years ago. I know I'll be able to make other purchases when we've taken care of this debt. This was just a very strong desire I had to give my children the opportunity to play a nice instrument. And the blessings and talents developed are so worth it.

I have children that are naturally drawn more to one sibling than the other. These team-ups always occur exactly this way in our home. Scott and Thomas are always together. Doug and Emily and Karin are always together. We were sorry to not have Karin here for the gingerbread house decorating.





Another rehearsal, a band concert, some nutella on graham crackers, a singing performance.




Finally, cookie day. Next to the Christmas Eve party, this is the event most looked forward to by my kids. I can't believe we've been doing it for 18 years. Here is the royal baker, Aunt Marie, I don't think she's ever been in the pictures. We are so grateful that she willingly does all the work, bakes the cookies, hosts the party and does all the clean-up. She is the best. It's been fun in the last couple of years to have other adults join us. For so many years it was just Marie and me and all the kids. But what fun we've had, what great memories, and what great times to come.

To Columbia, looking for gold or sunshine

This year Thomas is in the fourth grade and just like every other Californian fourth-grader he is studying California history. I've had a tradition of reading several stories to my children that go along with what they are studying in school. This year we've read with cousin Madison (also a fourth-grader) the following books: Riding Freedom, By the Great Horn Spoon, and Island of the Blue Dolphins. All three have to do with stagecoach drivers, the gold rush or Indians. So Jennie (Madison's mom) got us all to take a trip to Columbia today. Gold was first discovered here in 1850 and the town went from about 10 people to 8,000 in 4 weeks. I don't know how much gold was actually recovered from this area but there is still a working gold mine nearby. I was hoping to see some sunshine today, often when you drive up into the mountains you get out of the fog and into blue sky. That wasn't the case today, it stayed foggy but everyone had a good time.


Emily playing pioneer dress-up with cousin Brent.









The cutest part of the day for me was taking a stagecoach ride and getting held up by a bandit. Emily was truly afraid. She did not want me to take a picture of him. When we got home and she was telling dad the story of what happened, she said that the bandit was wearing a red bandanna with meat on it. The only thing I can figure out is that there were paisleys on the bandanna and they look like a piece of meat...maybe a steak or a whole ham. It's funny how we all see the same things so differently.


If you enlarge this picture (double-click on it), you will see the meat on his bandanna.